I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
