These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
