do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
