I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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