If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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