Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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