Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have post one night stand depression
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
