I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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