My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
