Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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