I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
