I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
