I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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