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we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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