Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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