just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
