Banned from zoo.
Again?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
