We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
