i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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