I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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