Who wears a wallet chain?!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
