cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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