I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
