fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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