I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
