I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
