there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
