Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
