Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
