At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
