Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
barbara walters just said penis...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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