i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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