Your face is a jimmy john
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
