I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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