I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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