I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
