I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
