I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
