I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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