don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
