The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
