When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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