I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
