So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
