yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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