You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
