listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
