Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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