I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
