i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
